Carnival Fences

The Ferris wheel sent those riding up, then gracefully dropped them down to circumnavigate again. Damon, in a car behind a chain-link fence, sat still as his eyes traced the glowing wheel with each revolution. Eventually it slowed and shuttered to a stop, relinquishing its cargo of people to make way for another excited group.

In the car, Patrick turned the key and the vehicle kicked on like a drum roll eradicating the silence between them.

As it idled rhythmically, he looked at Damon over the rim of his glasses then buckled his seat belt like an unamused father. Damon's eyes stayed with the Ferris wheel; he watched it pick back up its gentle rotation.

He saw a boy and girl holding hands, a husband and wife sharing popcorn, two young girls petrified of heights, and so many others.

Patrick put the car in reverse and pulled out of the parking lot.

Damon got one last glimpse of the lights before they disappeared and the sound of calliopes faded. He turned his head forward and breathed out a long sigh.

Patrick broke the silence as the car pulled onto the road. "I'm sorry about tonight."

Damon brushed him off. "It's not your fault."

"But I'm still sorry."

"It's okay."

Patrick shook his head. "I just think she's a bitch."

"I know." Damon sighed.

"Truly."

"Mhmm."

Patrick looked at him. "Like, really – truly."

"Yeah, I know you do. Everyone does." He turned. "We all heard you yell at her."

Patrick swerved the car to avoid a pothole. "This damn city!" He turned back to Damon who was now looking out the side window. "That's not my fault everyone heard me. It was your idea to have me smoke. Surprised I wasn't on the ground by the time things went off."

Damon let out a soft chuckle.

"See!" He cried out. "That shit went straight to my dome." He slapped his hand on Damon's thigh and gave it a squeeze. Damon's eyes glossed over. "So I'm blaming you for everything I did tonight. There's no way around it." He let go of Damon's leg and brought his hand back to the wheel.

Damon raised his shoulders. "Sounds logical."

Patrick pounded the wheel like a judge. "Consider it done."

"What an easy life you lead."

"Don't be fooled." He looked over at him. "It took a hell of a long time to get here." He pointed. "And it takes a hell of a lot more to maintain." He swiped the turn signal to go left.

The car came to a stop at the light. In front of them, cars hustled through the intersection. Patrick looked at a line of shops tucked into a corner of the crossing, each store donning the same monotonous aura. One was vacant and the sign above the windows had been removed, leaving behind a darkened shadow on the beige paint. A torn "Everything Must Go" sign hung loosely from one fastener over the door. Patrick's eyes followed its gentle sway in the wind.

The light went green and he took off.

Patrick turned back to Damon who was lost in quiet contemplation.

"You alright?"

Damon gave a silent nod.

"It's okay if you're not, Dame. I'm not always alright."

Damon sprung to life. "It's stupid, isn't it? She went and did this shit to me right when I was ready to love her, you know? Like, actually love her. Like, fully surrender myself to a person for once in my life. But then she went and threw it away like everyone always does." He crossed his arms and looked out the window. "Three years later, how tragic. How fucking stupid of me."

"You're not stupid."

Damon's sadness rose to anger.

"Yes I am! And it's because my heart bounces around like a pinball machine no matter what I do!" He turned. "It only takes me two seconds to fall in love with whatever cute person I meet, my mind never wants to stay put. One day I want to be coddled, and the next I want to be free to love whoever I want, whenever I want. I'm obsessed with the pursuit!" He brought his hands to his face. "And that's how I've felt in relationships ever since I could remember. Like I'm chasing an idea of love that sits over the fence… somewhere, ya know? Able to be seen, but just out of my reach. And whenever I think I finally got it, the smoke fades and what's left is… I dunno… fat carnies and parking lots." He mumbled through exhausted lips. "It's just a waste."

Patrick grinned as the car pulled into Damon's neighborhood. "I've known a few good carnies in my life." He laughed. "They're not all lobster boys."

"Dude." Damon sighed in defeat.

Patrick pulled the car up to the curb in front of the house.

"Oh, what do you want me to say? That you're human? That you're just trying to find happiness in life and that's totally fine? Is that what you want? 'Cause that's what it sounds like." He shut the car off and let his body rest into his seat. "Everyone's searching for the meaning of this, right? I sure as hell am." He eyed Damon carefully over the rim of his glasses. "Love just happens to be a major part of the search, Dame. So, yeah… you gotta find it, but you gotta find it with someone who actually loves you. I mean really loves you." His hand fell on Damon's leg. "And the only way to do that is committing to your own happiness. If you focus on that, love'll fall in your lap before you know it."

He smiled at Damon, whose sadness was starting to give way.

"Is that what you do? Damon asked.

"To be happy?"

Damon nodded.

No one else is gonna do it for me."

He nodded again.

"Just remember. Life is like… a big ole bull that's charging at you, getting ready to rip you to shreds. It doesn't matter if you love the bull or hate the bull or even if you think the thing should be there in the first place – it's coming at you no matter what. So, once you realize that, all you gotta do is take that bull by the horns and fuck that thing square in the ass." He clapped his hands together and gave an exaggerated thrust.

Damon laughed and shook his head. "Sounds like something you'd say." He gazed fondly. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"Being a real friend."

"You're gonna make me cry."

Damon chuckled. "It'ss okay if you do. It'd sure make me feel better." He pondered for a moment then turned to Patrick more seriously. "What I mean is… thanks for never making me feel like I have to beg for your affection."

Patrick leaned in. "Don't get too sentimental. Once I'm rich you'll see just how much my affection can run ya. Seeing me around will be like seeing Jesus in drag."

Damon rolled his eyes. "You just have it all figured out, don't you?"

Patrick tightened up. "No, not really... but I like to pretend I do. That's my whole thing really." He took a pause. "I figured out a long time ago that if you pretend you know what you're doing for long enough, no matter what it is or wherever you're going… something good is bound to come your way."

Damon smiled. "You think so?"

Patrick, with a smile to match. "Yeah, I do."

Their eyes met.

"You should try it sometime, Dame. It's the best way to look at it." He shook his head happily. "Because you never know what's gonna come your way or what you'll end up falling into–"

Damon lunged forward and kissed Patrick on the lips. Patrick's eyes widened with surprise.